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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Bokura Ga Ita

The person your in love with is with someone else. All you can do is sit there, and watch them. You dream about being the person that they're with, pretending your the person that they're holding hands with, talking to, and smiling only towards you. Whenever that smile turns into a frown, the world around you turns into a black holes, sucking out every inch of your breath.
________________________________________________________________________________
Episode 19 - Bokura Ga Ita

What's it mean to fight to the bitter end in love?

Well, it varies depending on the situation, but whether you end up losing or not, doesn't it just mean the other person knows your feelings, no matter what?

If nothing changes whether you confess or not...then it's better to say nothing at all.

Why do you say that?

No matter how much sugar you coat your words with, they'll still leave a bad aftertaste when everything is said and done. Even if you get over it, the people around you will stall have to deal with the situation. If someone's honest and open like that, he's just being egotistical. Am I wrong? Getting into an illicit relationship with your best friend's girlfriend is wrong to begin with. Would it have been better to cut into his plans and get to her before he did? Even if I had to tie him up?

Obviously. In the first place, the world of love is all about being partial and biased. There's no such thing as "fair" and unfair," dishonorable" and "honorable." Even if you set him up and break his arm, if you're fighting with all your might for yourself, isn't that noble, despite what others might think of you afterwards?

Noble, is it...?

Loving someone else's lover, or stealing someone else's love.

"Stealing someone else's love?"

There's only one way to allow such a thing.

What is it?

I won't tell you. Think about it yourself.  If you can't figure it out, you don't have the right to do such a thing. 



Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Heartache

Do you know how to heal your heart?

You find a new love. It's not about forgetting, it's impossible to forget someone who affected your life in a great extent. The past holds as little reality as dreams do. It becomes like a figure of imagination. The image washes off blurry, a distant, and an unreachable reality of the past. 

If the new love is true, and everything about it is real; where nothing seems like a fantasy, then the old love will naturally wash away. Just because the memories or the thought of the one you use to love doesn't sting your heart that awfully, doesn't completely mean you have forgotten about the past. It's because you've found a happiness greater than before. With that happiness supporting you and guiding you through, your able to let go.

Monday, November 29, 2010

About Me

  • I tend to slide things away by saying I don't know, frequently I brush it off with a smile.
  • It's hard for me to open up to people face to face.
  • I hesitate frequently.
  • I'm clueless about most facts.
  • I'm alright the way I am.
  • I never forget when someone hurts me. But, I do forgive, overtime. 
  • At times, I contradict things. 
  • I believe that everyone in the world has a good heart in them. Even if they seem like devils. Why do I believe that? Because no one was born a bad person. There's always a reason behind the way they ended up becoming.
  • I appear to be a different person when I write, from how you know me when I'm by your side.
  • I use writing to clear my head. It helps me sleep.
  • I'm quiet...in public.
  • I make weird noises at home, I sound like a little girl, I cry like a baby. I act like a baby. 
  • I love milk! I actually have an addiction towards it. 
  • I draw whenever I can't find words to flush my thoughts or feelings out. 
  • My favorite cereal is honey bunches of oats! I like the almond ones, and the strawberry ones. 
  • I watch anime. 
  • I am a daydreamer. It's a habit.
  • I make up movies in my head before I go to bed. It could last 2-3 or more hours. That's why it's hard for me to sleep. My brain never wants to shut off. 
  • I'm the weirdest person alive. Don't believe me? Ask John, my friends or my family. They'll tell you all sorts of strange alienist stories.
  • When I was like in 3rd grade, it was the first time I read my first poem. I don't know what it was, but it was the beginning of my poetic life. 
  • I've been playing games all my life. My family are gamers.
  • I bite and chew everything. Textbook, my sleeves, pencils, erasers, books, my laptop, my blanket, NOT my hair! I love my hair!
  • I hate metal, coins, and silver wear.  I go out of my way not to look at them or touch them. Seriously. 
  • I like egg rolls! 
  • I am from the Philippines, but I live in America. I grew up in America. 
  • I love to observe everything. Mostly, I observe people. It's amazing how fast people change. It's like a movie, but it's reality. I observe and admire nature. 
  • I have a very abstract mind.

    Saturday, November 27, 2010

    From me, To you

    This will be the last time I get to look at your beautiful face.
    The last time my hands sweep against the hairs on your forehead.
    The last time I get to listen to the rhythm of your delicate breath.
    The last time I get to cuddle you, 
    like how I always do.
    The last time that I can tell you I love you.

    All I'm wishing for,
    is for you to never forget the memory of you real family.

    This feeling of loss eats me up every Sunday. The tick of each second will never come back. Never again will the same time ever exist again. 10:55PM, Saturday, November 27, 2010, it's just a date now. The moment in time where I was just by your side. 
    Every millisecond, my heart beats in trembling fear. I won't see you again...till. What if I never see you again? I tag only in the ride to save myself from the burning pain. I'm selfish, aren't I? 

    Maybe you you'd be happier if you knew someone else.
    Maybe you'd be happier if you were born into a different life. 
    Maybe you'd feel more loved...if you belonged to someone else.

    What good is it going to do when I've completely convinced myself that it's my fault. If there's one regret that I ever made...
    it would be wishing you were here.

    That's the hardest thing that I could ever say. Even if I cry over it, and look up at the sky. It doesn't matter now since I've said it. I'm no better than the man that took you away. Maybe you'll never understand me. Or forgive me. But it's okay, if you blame me. 


    Your Guardian















    We've reached so far from distance,
    to search our lives with our finger tips.
    Tomorrow seals the leading way to each other.

    A dust away from the darkness.
    Find me there my earnest lover,
    and we'll never be apart.

    We've been waiting for the chance,
    to revive us from our fall.
    Hold my heart till we find our black hole,
    that pulls us closer together.

    Find me there in our promised star.
    Reach your hands out,
    to feel my spirit embrace your aching heart.
    If sorrow overwhelms your beautiful heart,
    I'll be the air that you breath.

    As your swollen eyes tremble,
     and finds it's way to sleep.
    I'll kiss your tears goodnight,
    while I sing our song
    only for you.

    Friday, November 26, 2010

    Did you smile today?



    Have you ever just laid down in bed, and rest you mind on your soft pillow; position your body to where it's comfortable, and letting your drained energy cause you to slowly close your eyes? Then all of a sudden, your mind turns into a worm hole entering the past. You recall those moments and find your self giggling quietly. A smile forms, and you realize the sudden change in your mood.

    Your happy.

    There's special moments in our lives that will always, and forever, bring a smile to our faces. It's those marked monumental moments in time where our soul is connected with. Those distant memories reveal the way you view happiness, and your ability to smile. Memories are like feathers that meander in the wind. When the feather lands, it sends ripples of memories, and the rising happiness enters through the gaps of your closed door.

    For some people, it takes almost all the forces in the world to form even the tinniest hint of a smile on their face. Sometimes, it may even seem impossible. With the devastating pressures everyone faces, one of the results of letting it ram you to the ground, is amnesia. Our feelings and outlook get so hypnotized by all the terrible things, that we forget we ever felt happiness.

    A friend told me, "I love the happy Shulammite!"
    That simple sentence, struck me in the heart. Those words are, and will forever will be, carved in my heart. It let me know that, my life, is other people's lives too. I don't just exist for myself, but for others as well. I use to believe that life is the most horrible gift there is, because at that time, all I ever felt was torture.  But you know what? If someone says they love you, you have one of the greatest life out there.

    So tell me, did you smile today? =)

    Tuesday, November 23, 2010

    My Manga Characters

    By Shulammite Sison

    Flowers

    by Shulammite Sison

    Fading Love

    by Shulammite Sison

    Vines of Hands

    by Shulammite Sison

    My typical doodles

    by Shulammite Sison


    I drew this in my free period at school when I was bored.

    Manga Characters

    By Shulammite Sison
    This is a girl character in my manga story.

    My Manga

    Shulammite Sison
    This is one of my characters in the manga I created.

    Monday, November 22, 2010

    Pretty Girl

    by Shulammite Sison

    I was looking through pictures of people to draw. This girl stood out to me with her intense cuteness. I just thought she was very cute and innocent that it brought me to the point where I wanted to draw her.

    Beautiful Baby

    By Shulammite

    I saw a very beautiful baby. I thought that he had such beautiful eyes so I got inspired to draw him. 

    My Tree of Life

    by Shulammite Sison
    This is a my first ever self portrait. There is no facial drawings in this picture, but more of a elusive scene of myself. This was a school project based on your self. We had to look around the world, and see the things in the world that can resemble the story of our life. I picked, the structure of the rocks. The tight hold of vines, the beauty of flowers, and the endless sea. The wind that drifts forever, and the eternal trees in the world.
    I lost the document that explains why I picked each one. But from memory I'll try to remember what I wrote.
    I used the structure of the rock to set an example of how determined I want to be towards me goals. To stand my ground no matter what happens, and what strikes back at me.
    Beneath the deepest depth of the ocean lies all the tears, and sorrow that everyone has in their lives. But in the middle of the ocean, there is an abundance of life. Above the ocean is the brilliant light that shines on everyone, lighting up even the darkest parts of yourself. I pictures sail boats as my friends, who sailed my ocean through out my life.
    To me, vines are like hands that hold on to every link that ever crossed you. The vines represent the faithful bonds that are linked to the people who are important to you.
    It amazes me that a tree can live longer than I do. With all the amazing abilities my body does, a tree out numbers my life spam. Have your ever thought about how ironic that is?
    The breathe of life is what keeps everything alive and standing. Air is the perfect example of believing in things that you can't see. Air is invisible, but you know it's there.

    Anime

    By Shulammite Sison


    I love to draw anime. I have a lot of anime drawings, this is just one of them.
    I've been drawing anime from a very young age, and still am.
    I have watched quite a few anime movies, and I believe by observing how they are drawn have helped me master the art of anime.

    Lash of Love

    The lash of love has rained down 
    and soaked her thoroughly. 
    The pinch of hail has caused her to disintegrate.

    Every sight of love
    could free her,
    but made her believe that no one
    is one.

    The touch of an angel,
    and  the surface of a coarse wood
    is all the difference that prevents him see what is good.
    His delusional eyes mislead him towards his downfall. 

    A careless whispers convulses through her crooked soul. 
    Despite the lies that he's expressing,
    his life is her's for the taking.


    Sunday, November 21, 2010

    Drinking Vessels















    A room filled with an array of collected glass.
    An angered heart smothered with dreadful anguish.
    Shattered pieces collides on the floor,
     smashed by words that rot the core. 

    I can't pick up the pieces when I can't give the reasons.
    When all my mistakes have caused treason.

    Broken beyond repair,
    and struck with a blow that stabs through the center links. 
    Hold your breathe, and force your strength to your chest,
    to distract that pain that I've caused in your every blink.

    Fractured my whole life to the ground.
    Fast pacing images that confuse my head.
    A trapped tune that surrounds the air with sound.

    Beauty in different ways
    with your body replaced with moss.
    I've found my self freezing in the sea of loss.
    The decayed surface on your body;
    Never hid away your beauty, and modesty.

    My Pet Peeves

    • When Someone turns on the lights when I'm sleepings.
    • People who ask me what's wrong when they could care less about the problem.
    • Pretty people who think they're ugly.
    • Someone asks me what I'm doing when they can clearly see what I'm doing. 
    • When my parents or teachers think I'm playing games when I'm actually working.
    • People makings a big deal with situations that can be easily solved. 
    • I HATE it when people who have a good life say, " I hate my life, fml, or my mother sucks at life."
    • My number one pet peeves is when people copy me.
    • People who steal my ideas, or part of my personality.
    • Friends who can't keep a secret.
    • Being too proud.
    • Judging on what another person did when they do worse.
    • Always complaining about how life sucks.
    • People who want to kill them selves.
    • Being dramatically obsessive.
    • A person who only talks about their bf/gf/ex.
    • Trying hard to be the person your not just to fit in. Being yourself is better.
    • Just saying "over there" or pointing when you ask for directions. 
    • Telling someone you like something, or sharing a special event that happened to you, and the other person argues about how suckish it is.
    • Players that bash about how they have another high level character and call you a noob.
    • Racist.
    • Showing off your talents.
    • Saying I love you when you don't know what love is.
    • Trying hard to be "cool."
    • Giving yourself a title.
    • Rap music.
    • Acting all gangster.
    • Hearing a cuss word from every single sentence you say.
    • People who think I'm dumb just because I know nothing about ...
    • Thinking lowly towards other people.
    • My mom on her monthly.
    • Showing no love or respect.
    • Thinking evil is "cool."
    • My dad who snores like an elephant. 
    • Those who are too blind to notice a lot of people care about them, and they think they're the most loneliest people in the world.
    • Hypocrites. 

    Saturday, November 20, 2010

    Meanings behind my Self Portrait

    Shulammite Sison
    (click) This art piece  represents my inner eyes that is hidden deep into the shades of my outer shell. 
    The abstract that I drew represents the way my life shapes, 
    as the waves of the oceans. 
    The mask resembles my fogged outlook on life. 
    I fog away the personality that forms my true self away from most people. 
    I'm a different person from the inside. 
    The dots are like the mist of the invisible air that keeps me alive. 
    I was trying to bring out the life of the world; 
    to tell you that I appreciate the life I have, and I've come to accept it. 
    Red reminds me of blood. 
    The blood that runs through my veins is what keeps me from disappearing from this world. 
    I want to scar a mark in people's hearts, hoping I made some form of happiness in them. 
    Flowers, always makes me smile. 
    It reminds me that even in this scary world, there is still beauty all around us.
    Vines, to me are like hands that reach for other's, and connect each other. 
    The vines resemble the people who have reached out to me. 
    I choose pointillism to show the many people that came across my life. 
    Even the smallest things influence my life. 
    The shortest encounters from person to person helped me create the person that I am today. 
    I've always been insecure of the way I look like. 
    I'm a person with very low self confidence. 
    The waves in this self portrait is a sample of my appearance.  
    By drawing this,  
    I've gained the confidence to show the world who I am, and what I look like. 
    I'm proud to be who I am, 
    because no one can be exactly like me.
    No one will ever be.
    I'm the only Shulammite that will ever exists.
    Other people, 
    can only be similar, or can only relate. 

    Friday, November 19, 2010

    Self Portrait

    By Shulammite Sison

    Mostly everyone is not the person they seem to be. 
    It's a translucent mask that covers their inner self. 
    You just have to look beyond what you can see. 


     

    Thursday, November 18, 2010

    Purposeless

    10/19/10
    11:28 AM

    I'm losing all my reasons of why to get up every morning. The moment the alarm goes off, my body falls into a deeper sleep. My ears wide-awake, waiting for that devilish voice to haunt me.

    I cant to realize that morning while lying in bed as I stared at the ceiling; today will be the same as yesterday. I'd get up and try to block out the shouted words my humming, and go to the bathroom and wash my face. Toothbrush, and hope she doesn't criticize me. I'm drained out.  I can only deal with it for so long. Smiling everyday and being as 'happy' as ever. What will be the outcome of me when the bottle has reached the top?

    This is just like the days before, the weeks before, the months before, and the years before.
    I'm not as strong as I use to be. Yeah, I've gotten wiser about my decisions, but that's all there is to it. I'm being destroyed everyday, that's what my counselor said.

    It's hard to get up every morning when all you have coming ahead of you is just another day of self-evaluation and criticism. A day of when you wish that you never woke up. A day of which your wishes have failed to happen- again. What do I have to give up to be more content from my life?

    If there's something that I'm sure about myself, that you be having an exhausted ambition. The only thing that;s keeping me going right now is the arrival of night. Just sleep the day away and kill time. Even that, I can't have. It doesn't help drenching the pillow with tears, because of the never ending situation.

    No one could ever tell me how it came to be this way, or what happened. Maybe because I'm tired of listening, or because I'm tired of having another reason to slap me in the face. I'm so sick of the faces I see. I'm so sick of the words I hear daily. The hopes I had that day always get's demolished by someone who could care less. All I need is a wholehearted apology. That's all I'm asking for.

    The way I see it, she can barely care less because she's all who she listens to, and I'm just someone who she can chew whenever she finds a deficient reason to. I don't know why I bother write down my feelings towards her. Honestly, I think it's a waste of my effort because these words are only to tame myself on what not to do. I guess it's my way of saying I need help. I know that won't happen if I only write. I know that I need to act for my own sake.

    How will I act when I can't even rise up? How can I find motivation when all the reasons are left blank? How can I fill then in when I have nothing to give. What can I gain when I'm left vacant.

    Dear Reader,
    I'm sorry.

    Wednesday, November 17, 2010

    Chained













    Every sight of you looses my mind.
    It travels far across the range.
    Calling back memories that I've locked away.
    Torn apart by the loss you've committed.
    Stumped down with an ax at my neck.
    Driven by the dream that haunts me every night.
    My lungs have drowned itself.

    Turning the pages everyday,
    just to find my place.
    At the far end of the string,
    I still wait for a reply.
    My heart has cut it's way through my vessels. 

    The taste of your lips is still pressed against mine.
    Your eyes still hover my sky.
    My hands only reach the air that you abandoned.

    The void in my heart
    has emptied out all of my emotions;
    that's only filled with memories of you.
    My bare soul has dried itself clean.
    The only place left
    is the dream
    that forces itself towards your face.
    I try to wipe the pain away from me.
    But it's still you I see.  

    Aversion

    Your hands
    avariciously
    attempting to capture the tiny specks
    of soft tremulous light in the air.

    Disregarding the whole schemear.
    Deprived from all the power
    that tremors this anxiety. 

    Retreating from your own shadow.
    Cemented on to you
    like the force of the ashes
    that's tearing up your existence.

    Pushed down by a rusted lever.
    Haggardly crawling from the underworld.
    The shades of malevolence
    lingers on the front page of your heart. 

    Avariciously: Having or showing an extreme greed for wealth
    Tremulous: shaking or quivering slightly
    The whole schmear: every aspect of the situation
    Deprived: suffering a severe and damaging
    Tremors: an involuntary quivering movement
    Haggardly: looking exhausted and unwell
    Malevolent: having or showing a wish to do evil to others

    Monday, November 15, 2010

    Confined


    Sickened by my own beliefs.
    Lying low under a cave of rocks.
    The black and white reruns.

    Lost,
    from my own footsteps.
    Pacing through the vertical space
    I'm left with. 
    An entry that leads to an infinite tunnel. 

    The walls are breathing in. 
    Cheeks forced against both walls.
    Scrapped my flesh into the deep scums of life.

    My veins are ripping its way through my skin.
    Hampered, 
    by my own life.
    Suffocated,
    by my own breath.

    The grinding of my teeth
    reminds me of the days 
    when you use to smile.

    Stop me
    before I rend the air.
    Relieve the beginning,
    restart the end.

    Sunday, November 14, 2010

    Intervals













    The seconds became minutes.
    The minutes became hours.
    The hours became days.
    The days became months.
    The months became years.
    The years became like eons of time through the ashes of the earth.

    But, that wasn't enough to keep me away.
    To sit on the porch all day,
    and watch as the shimmer of light thins down to the thick layer of blackness.
    The trees sway in a snake like pattern.
    The air caves in like the thunder of rocks diving in a void.

    In that distant day,
    the world around me felt so dense.
    In a world where nothing existed.

    I wonder how long it's been
    since I've taken something like this
    on myself.

    Even if the ocean hurls down,
    and casts me away from this forsaken place.
    I'll crawl back to the place where you've left me.
    With dirty hands, scrapped knees,
    a tampered heart; with a determined purpose.

    The sun has bulged out.
    The sky has aged gray.
    The wind has blown dry.
    Only the wet sensation that lingers downwards through my cheeks
    is what makes me alive.

    Friday, November 12, 2010

    Fever









    Hands,
    softly touch the smooth surface of the keys.
    Elbows,
    slightly forward and hips curved.
    A rhythm spills through my body.
    Filling the dark, quiet room with a delicate melody.

    Eyes close, and lips cold.
    The only thing alive now is the pumps of our hearts,
    giving off a burst of contagious fire in mind.
    The melody of uselessness.

    Our translucent shadows glides through the walls,
    giving off a scent of your silent presence.
    The thin blanket that covers your weak body.
    Fills me with shame.
    I can't erase your pain.

    Her head softly placed on the bed.
    With her hair cascading downwards.
    Sticky, like tape on her neck.

    The painful sound of her breath,
    makes me want to replace my soul in hers.
    For her eyes to close without tears,
    then maybe she can sleep peacefully.

    My cold hands drenched in her distress.
    Her burning body.
    The sound of her agony.
    Kills me.

    The fading of the melody holds down my hands.
    Inviting me to sway my hands in hypnotizing passion.
    The bitterness that freezes the very ends of my hair,
    only wishes to sanctify the sickness that cursed you.

    This melody that lit my heart,
    can feed you a taste of peace.
    If only I can infuse your misery into my body.

    Forgive me my beloved,
    for my fingers are shivering in fear
    that I may make a mistake
    that will bring you tears.

    Thursday, November 11, 2010

    The Circle

    The scattered feet that sinks beneath the ground,
    felt the voices of the elusive sounds.
    A cry of whisper grabbed hold of the ankles
    dragging them forth
    in the hollow dim circle.
    Forced pain,
    taught how to pay.
    Crawling minds,
    made the bloody rims shine.
    Nothing but hate,
    made the circle rotate.
    Eaten limbs
    called the holler of sin.
    A perfect sacrifice would only make things right.
    Searching for love
    is the battle we have to fight.
    Call my name and you will be saved
    from this world that's filled with hate.
    Bloody hands,
    mark my word,
    I will not tolerate.

    My First Painting

    by Shulammite Sison


    This is my first painting I have ever done! It is also my first time painting.

    Wednesday, November 10, 2010

    Handicap


    The wind howls to the echo's response,
    waiting to be called out.
    The blinded meek fades in paleness.
    No ones there,
    by never ending darkness.
    Scorching wind makes it hard to breathe.
    Hearing is all that is left to believe.
    Lame legs refuse to ever move,
    Why then,
    did hope move me to buy shoes?
    Divided arms increased my limits.
    Take my hand,
    before I forfeit.
    Distant voices whisper in my ear.
    Cry louder,
    I want to hear.

    One Litre Of Tear

    Tuesday, November 9, 2010

    Leading Your Way


    Have you ever wondered to where your life was leading it's way through? The daily things you do, would they have a profound affect on your future life style?

    I believe that the unique interests that inspire our talents plays a role on how we begin the art of life. In all the things that we do today, and all the memories that mold our personalities, all the permanent choices we've decided...I think we've all been preparing for a life with the one's we cherish- and for a life as to whatever your profession is.


    Marriage Vows

    Have you ever noticed that there's s many ominous words in the marriage vows- sickness, death, asunder?
    "In sickness and in health...until death do you part."

    Ironic.


    Monday, November 8, 2010

    It's Just A Thought

    This post does not entirely resemble the way I feel today. These sentences were created by me, inspired by someone else feelings. A person who I've never met, but a person that I know- somehow. Maye just a person I made up in my mind. I don't know who I'm writing about. But there's something I'm sure of, I want to meet that person.



    Every time I come home and close the door, I feel severe pain in my mind. As if my skull was squeezing it's way in through an obstructed path. It's been 3 years since those days have recalled it self in my mind.

    Having no one to trust, I walked the days alone. I always had an apprehensive premonition. Choice was no longer mine, since the roads were scattered in arrays I could never seem to organize. The view of everything seemed to stay at a distant highway that I wasn't able to ever cross.

    I have a family. Not entirely complete, but I have a family to come home to. School was just another place to go to. A place where everyone is required to go to. Other than the time where I was in the class room filled with people my age. I never felt, or had the inclination to talk to anyone. Come to think of it, out of all the people that surrounded my daily life, there wasn't anyone I wanted to see or talk to.

    I lived that way, always with that feeling, attitude, and outlook. In those days, there was nothing that I wanted to do but lay my head on a pillow, hoping maybe I can sleep that night. Daydreaming was the only thing that kept me sane. It was the only thing that I could control. But in my dreams, even if it came from within me, I was no competition. 

    A dream, a memory perhaps, was a thought that always seemed to keep me walking. Sometimes when I wake up from my trance or dream, I felt as if that thought, was more realistic than the reality I'm living. It was a world that I created using all the things I longed for.

    But as time went by, that world that kept me alive seemed to diminish from my mind. It was as if it was being forced to be erased without me wanting it to be.


    Comfort

    By Shulammite Sison

    Sunday, November 7, 2010

    Evil Banana

    Once upon a time there was a monkey who wanted a banana. He stood by a palm tree looking up at the banana. He tried to jump as high as possible, but he was simply too short. He asked his mother, but she was too busy pooping. Then the monkey traveled far far away to a magical land. There, he found an elephant and asked if she can get the banana for him. 
    The elephant said, " Sorry Monkey, but my eye is too big. My eye would bump the trunk of the tree!" 

    So the monkey walked away with his fingers scratching his eyes. Since he was too busy scratching his eye balls, he accidentally bumped a dude. The dude, ended up being the prince of the magical land. 
    "Sorry your majesty! I was too busy thinking about my banana."
    "It's okay little monkey. I can climb the tree to get your banana for you if you want," said the Prince. 
    So then, the Prince and the monkey ran to the palm tree. The prince tried climbing the tree, but his high heels were in the way, so he ended up falling. His butt slammed the monkey's face. As an apology the Prince took the monkey to his mother, the Queen.

    The monkey asked the Queen, "Hey fat lady, can you get my banana?"
    The Queen said, "I'm not fat! Your fat! And no, I will not get your banana! Your a mean little monkey!"
    The monkey's temper started to burst, so he threw a coconut at the Queen's face. The Queen screamed like a little girl with her tongue being all wiggly. She so was so startled that she fell off her chair and rolled down the stairs with her tummy giggling all over the place. 

    The monkey ran away from the castle, and he ended up back home to where the banana was. He sat by the tree, with his back press against the bark. After a while, he saw a giraffe walking towards him. He stood up, and asked the giraffe, " Can you get that banana for me?"
    "Sorry monkey, my lips are too wide. I may end up eating the banana."

    The monkey started to feel sad, so he ran back home crying. His dad saw him crying and asked who made him cry. The monkey told his father that no one would help him get the banana that he wanted. So, the monkey's dad got a chain saw and attacked the tree. The tree fell down, but the banana ended up flying 23,437 feet away. 
    Bye, bye went the banana.

    My Weird Sister

    Tigger

    By Shulammite

    Measures

    Small is treated like nothing.
    Medium is only rated average.
    Large is just not enough.

    There shouldn't be a ranked volume when it comes to comparing the intensity of emotions. To each person, their pain is the highest level of sorrow. To others, it's looked upon as a minor cut. It's just the same way of judging. It destroys the existence of equality. 

    Wishes

    By Shulammite Sison

    Do You?

    Do you ever just want to lie down
    and listen to music
    to encourage your thoughts to wonder through the unreachable
    vast
    space of dreams?
    Do you ever just want to close your eyes,
    and drift fast asleep, 
    but end up staying up all night
    with your mind crowded with thoughts,
    wishes,
    hopes,
    dream, 
    or
    a distant love...?
    Do you find your selfish smiling randomly whenever you recall that one special memory?
    Do you ever find yourself wishing, hoping, wanting...
    something you can never have?
    Do you see yourself with a smile tomorrow? 
    A smile that may have started to wither,
    grow old,
    and died.
    Do you believe in dreams that originates from the heart?
    Do you believe in love that never fails?
    Do you see life the way it was meant to be?
    Can you feel the weak hands that has been reaching out to you? 
    Wrapped in vines, 
    strapped down in dirt, 
    punished by the earth.

    Saturday, November 6, 2010

    Sticky Papers That Covered My Wall

    At that moment there happened to be a split in the world, and a break in the wind.


    What would happen if everyone fell to the ground and became only specks of dust. Would only the earth remember their presents? There's always a time in one's life when everything seems shy, shallow, and unreachable. When hope stays a great distance. But what if everything that seemed good was just the front layer of a mask. The ground beneath us, would it still breath with ease? Would people's smile still light up the dark? 


    __


    For a mind of a child, I know little. That is why I write with so many questions. I hope to find the right people to guide me to the right answers, and also to tell me why I see so many visions whenever I close my eyes. What is this strong urge that makes me want to pick up a pencil and record my thoughts?


    I always feel as if there's someone calling for my help. As for my reply, I can only whisper it in my head. It's a feeling that relates to the saying, "I belong somewhere, just don't know where."
    For my versions, it's not a place I'm looking for. It's a person... sometimes I think I'm going mad. But on the other side, I know its real. 


    Sometimes, I believe the words I write are not mine, but that person's. 


    At times, I scare myself with the things I write, the visions I see when I close my eyes. The images I see when I look at blank paper. The shadow in my head that never lets my mind rest. Seeing beyond, is it real?
    If so, why me?

    Tuesday, November 2, 2010

    Love

    Love existed way before hate.

    Hatred formed with jealously, because all creation was given the gift of choice.

    I believe in creation.

    The creator is called, The God of Love.

    Love is long suffering and kind.
    Love is not jealous,
    it does not brag,
    does not get puffed up,
    does not behave indecently,
    does not look for its own interests,
    does not become provoked.
    It does not keep account of the injury.
    It does not rejoice over unrighteousness,
    but rejoices with the truth.
    It bears all things,
    believes all things,
    hopes all things,
    endures all things.
    Love never fails.

    1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

    Outsider

    There's always that one person. Aside from everyone else, that one person hits the spot light. My eyes sort of gets into this fixed position where it dozes off, and starts to blur from starring too long. Every time I see those people, a gush of sadness and amazement sprinkle together in me.

    They have the strength that mostly everyone can't endure.

    I know that I myself can't stand the struggling straps of being lonely. Of all emotions I think it's loneliness that most people fear the most. It's understandable since love was intended to be the foremost common company. 

    When you sit down at lunch, at a park, anywhere really. Have you ever took the time to look around you? There's always one person out there who's sitting alone. Their eyes gaze at everyone else from time to time- when they aren't look down. Usually it's a book that keeps them company, or their own shadow. 

    Commonly at school, there's always a group of friends who laugh at that person, tease that person, and judge that person. If there's really anything worth saying, it would be nothing. For one reason, can you go alone through a whole week all by yourself? Can you eat lunch at the very edge of the table while everyone else avoids you? Can you look at everyone else without feeling your heart crumble? Can you handle the void that sits by you everyday? 

    I don't think their loners, outsides, or outcasts, but very strong people. Because unlike them, I, and mostly everyone in this world, has someone to sit by, who welcomes me. If your one of those people, I highly respect you.

    Monday, October 25, 2010

    Liar



    If love is your profession, then why do you hate?

    Are you really the person you view yourself as?

    Tuesday, October 19, 2010

    Discernment Test

    So, you think you can read in between the words?
    Show me.
    This is a level B test. 

    The ceiling  dripped blood. The walls scattered with parts. 
    "It's him again." 
    "Might be so," Kain murmured. 

    I walked past the bars. I could hear the roars of pain in this room that was left behind. It always keeps me wondering who were the people that had disappeared from here? I let my finger tips glide through the brick wall. 

    "I could hear them." I whispered. 

    My eyes shook, and my hears trembled. The faint image formed in my mind. It lasted only a few minutes before the scene faded. The rays of light that crept through the holes disturbed my vision.

    "There was a little boy here. He was scared, lonely, and confused. He knew nothing, but hunger."

    Kain spat on the floor and commanded we should go. Our steps echoed in the hollow room. It was only the voices of the distant taps of our feet that accompanied the loneliness here. It only took 10 seconds before it disappeared when we walked out.  

    The wind was hot, and the clouds were dull. Everything seemed the same as ever; like it always has been. Just one less home, that's all.

    With his head tilted up the dry air, Kain asked, "So, Ken what do you plan on doing now?"
    "Nothing really."
    Giving out a smirk he laughed at me.
    "Why are you laughing?"
    "Nothing really," he said. 

    He annoys me.

    Kicking the dust below my feet, I thought to myself, would it make a difference if one less human died?
    Kain tilted his head towards me with the sun flashing on his sunglasses, he said with a devilish smile, "Of course it wouldn't!" 

    "Get off me." 

    What happened to the little boy?
    Why did the house disappear?

    What ability does Ken have?
    What ability does Kain have?

    What kind of world does Kain and Ken live in?
    Looking from the world we are in, what do you find odd about Ken and Kain's world? 
    Whats your point of view in this story?


    ( It's not neccessarly just reading the story, 
    it's about thinking beyond the possibilities of what the story teller is trying to express. )




    Mousey

    Once upon a time. A mouse lived in a hole in the wall, and the house was owned by a doggie. But the doggie was mean and  didn't like to share food. A girl also lived at this house, and she was nice. One day the girl received a letter at the door, and it was from the cow man. The letter had tickets for a free swimming pool. So the girl put on her swim suit and took her dog and went swimming. 

    While the girl and her dog were outside, swimming the mouse ran into the fridge. He climbed up to the top of the fridge and grabbed some cheese, and dragged it back to his hole in the wall, but the cheese didn't fit. The mouse kept on pushing the cheese in, but it was just too fat. 

    The mouse then decided to cut the cheese into smaller pieces. So the mouse ran as fast as he could back to the kitchen to grab the plastic knife and ran back to cut the cheese. The mouse started cutting the cheese, and decided to eat some. The cheese tasted so scrumdilidecious! Before the mouse realized, it had eaten all the cheese. The mouse's belly was like a ballon!

    The girl came back in for a glass of lemonade. As she walked towards the fridge, she noticed little crumbs of cheese. And she ate some off the floor! She followed the crumbs to where the mouse lived. When she found the hole in the wall, she peeked inside and saw a big belly. The dog came inside and saw somebody had eaten his cheese. The doggie got so mad that he ran all over the kitchen trying to look for it, and bumped the cabinets over. The girl saw what had happened and went out to buy more cheese. When the house heard that the girl was ganna buy more cheese, he peeked out through his hole and followed after the girl to go to the cheese store. 

    On the way out the door the doggie smelled the scent of his cheese, and went to look at  the mouse hole. The doggie found nothing inside. By the time the doggie finished searching the girl and the mouse had reached the cheese factory. The mouse was hiding in the girl's purse, and when the mouse peeked out his eyes eyes widened with amazement. There were cheese waterfalls and cheese grass. the mouse jumped out of the girls purse and ran towards the cheese and started leeping happily around the cheese.

    The girl went up to the counter and asked for some cheese and the lady gave her 600 pounds of cheese for $1. The girl was amazed at the size of the cheese. When she tried to carry it, the cheese squished her. The lady behind the counter then helped lifted the cheese off the girl, and told her that there is a free car she can borrow to drive home the cheese. So the girl rolled the cheese into the car and started the car and headed home. The mouse who was still at the factory finds a house and more mouses lived there. So then the mouse lived happy with the other mouses and eating cheese as much as he pleased!

    THE END
    Written By: John and Shula <3

    Monday, October 18, 2010

    I Said It

    Vines of fear are wrapping my body. Every time she calls my name my mind rattles and begins to exaggerate. 
    Did she find out? 
    The ring of the phone feels like a ghost creeping up behind me that's constantly screaming through my ears.
    Does she know?
    Did she tell on me? No...She promised...it's alright.

    Today is the mark of change. I've scarred the time, and there's no turning back. The words have left my mouth and entered her ear. She'll remember every word I said. She knows everything now. The time has elapsed, and the power to turn back time doesn't belong to me. Erasers can only erase the words written on paper. She knows the main piece that I've been hiding, the most important one. 
    What do I do?
    Please don't...don't tell anyone.

    Maybe I made the wrong choice. But I have nothing to lose, nothing to give, except them maybe.

    You can tell me what to do. What I should do, how should I do it. I'm trying to believe you, and you tell me it's easily said than done. 

    I've never had the ability to cry and talk in front of someone. My throat burns dry. My voice squeaks silent, and my heart gets trampled. What did you do to me to give me this courage that I never could gain?
    Maybe respect plays a part in it. Maybe because I felt that I had to. Maybe because I was trained to. Maybe because I was just scared to. 
    I usually don't know what to do, or what to say. But I just met you. Why couldn't I say anything to anyone I known my entire life? What is it about you that opened my mouth? That opened my heart. 

    It takes more to break me down. Maybe my spirit has become weak. It's my fault, I let my guard down. I should have been careful. 

    I'm running out of things to say. I'm writing to clear my head. If there's something in my mind right now, its the thought of living life alone. But then again, the saying, " You can't go through life alone." still exists. 

    I don't like thinking this way. I rather think about candy or toys, or playing mmorpgs.

    Goodnight

    So tell me,
    Who can sleep with a broken heart?
    Who can show me the deepest of the dark to make the memory appear blank through my close eyes?
    The soft fur that you've once touched, sends vacant spaces between my finger tips.

    Dear to who ever is reading this, tell me how to sleep away the pain. Tell me how to ignore the imprinted letters.

    I'm trying to ease out the voice in my head with this melody in mind. I'm typing in the dark, with my eyes closed shut. I can hear the rain drops tap on the roof. I wish someone, something would cry for me. Because I feel too hollow to shed anything. I'm biting my blanket, trying not to say anything I'll regret later on.

    Would life be perfect if one had the ability to fast forward the hard times and pause the good times? I'm bored to death, and my heat aches. The way I'm breathing suffocates me.

    I'm hoping you never read this. I'm hoping you'll never see this. I'm wishing you'll never hear this. Because these words are the results of this night. So fragile, so sensitive. Tell me how to stop this.

    I remember that tree out my window. That's one of our promised places. The tears begin to fall, but carry nothing. Just that possibility of it ever happening just tears me.

    I don't know why I'm writing. Maybe its just my selfish way of dealing with things. Cursing at myself doesn't help. Cursing at the world just makes me seem unreasonable.  I'm thinking of deleting this. But I wont since I feel like a .....

    Sunday, October 17, 2010

    Blabbering

    So in English class we were assigned to do this project. ( of course duuh more work ) DX
    Annnyways! We have to create a presentation about the story of our life. We have to include two events for every age. From the moment you were born, and the age you are now. 
    I was pretty excited at first. But then when she said, "Talk about your childhood." 
    Poop...that's ganna be a problem.
    Memories, mostly bad ones << started flooding my head.

    It was only till today when I was washing my face that I realized. What the heck am I thinking? What's wrong with me? Have I forgotten?

    You know those times when you feel really stupid, and life just smacked you in the face? Well that's what happened to me just a few hours ago. ( I woke up late )
    I felt pretty lame and stupid because I forgot all the good things that ever happened to me. It made me recall the saying that I realized a long time ago, "Good memories exist to make up the bad ones."

    I remembered the time when I was like 4 or 3 or something. I was planning to run away because no one gave me candy. Yeah, I was spoiled I admit. I wanted what I want when I wanted it when I was young. ( and I still am )

    So anyways, I got my yellow small chair, an apple and grabbed my dog and sat on his back and told him to be my horsey. I only got to the gate when my aunt caught me and asked where I was going. Of course I told her I was running away because she wouldn't give me my candy.

    Theres alot more stories I can write right now, but I think I should do my homework and take a shower. BYEBYE!

    Miracles

    Why, oh who, searches for miracles?

    Many things are true, but cast aside as though they were fake.
    Many things are made, but for what real purpose?
    Many smiles, and tears seen from here to there.
    Many children running everywhere.

    New lives come about every day.
    A new cry from  babies that just began their journey.
    So many things are ignored.
    So many things that are pure.
    So many wishing wells drowned with hope.
    Why, oh who searches for miracles?
    Why not look around you?

    Soaking in the rain that falls from the visible sky.
    The slap of the wind that carries the heavy load of washed memories.
    Every shot of light, and every pierce of the dark. 
    Or the moon that guards you at night.
    Possessing the dreamed power of flying by everyone standing on the ground, gaping at the birds.

    Standing by your two feet, you have control over your life.

    Being able to speak with loving-kindness.
    Seeing eye to eye with whom you love.
    Hearing the voices of those around you.
    Touching the near by things with curiosity.
    Calling out for the one ahead of you.
    Sitting side by side under the shadows of the trees.
    The warm hug of the ones you love.
    The cute smiles of your siblings. 
    Wishing the impossible.
    Believing what was told, what was spoke of, and what was seen.
    Closing your eyes from the drift of the melody at night.
    Recalling the memories of the past.

    To me every pixel, cell, molecule is a miracle.

    The cold that makes you squeeze in your mother's arms.
    The hot days that fill the rims of your mouth with ice cream.
    The pound of the heart that melts your body.
    The pain that you feel when you say goodbye.

    Selected Assignment

    What if there was a purpose of why you were born? The very first breath of life you took marked the start of your training. 
    Many people seek their purpose through out their lives. 
    What if you knew your purpose from the day you were born?
    What would you...no,
    I do?
    What if you knew you were being watched carefully through every moment and aspect of every action that you took? 
    What if that responsibility bestowed upon you had the ability to have a major impact on people's lives?
    What if I told myself, I can't do it. 
    What if my decision is the cost of many people's hearts.
    What if I knew 6 billion hearts are permanently about to stop?
    What if I had no courage or endurance?
    What if I was just a kid?
    What if I can't handle the responsibility?
    What would you do if you knew the truth? 
    What if you can't say it?
    Why am I qualified?

    Sunday, September 19, 2010

    Spider Webs

    Turn it inside out so I can see.
    The tears from you crawling all over me.
    When I open my eyes,
    your falling through.
    When the dark covers my sight,
    its an illusion of constant images of you.
    Speak to me,
    and tell me how you are.
    Tell me how you managed to enter inside so far.
    From side to side nothing seems to diminish.
    Like the haunting of one's pasts never seems to come to a finish.
    Spider webs are formed from above the ceiling.
    The similar patterns that decorate this feeling.
    Straight forward and down below,
    I know.
    That your always there inside my head.
    A maze that has no boundaries or tears that need to be shed.
    Everything I believe in enters the tunnel that passes through you.
    From there I know that I'm not alone.
    The gasps of breath that makes you real.
    Its hard to live when you can't feel.
    Now we're falling together in the Arctic sea.
    Trying to sleep away the frosted memories that's locked up by the shattered key.
    When I catch a breath,
    its then I understand.
    The reality within my world,
    its now that it began.
    The tangled webs that create an unbreakable thread.
    Was said that it can weave the words of the mouth belonging to those who fall in dread.

    Orb's Prayer

    A silent orb falls through the horizon,
    like a shadow trying to accumulate light.
    An unexpected gust of wind shoots its back,
    creating a disorder within the formation.
    A stirring sensation accumulating in the stomach.
    What is found in the inner side;
    an unpredictable emotion.

    Examine my kidney.
    Dig through the soul of my existence.
    Judge me with your eyes, adjust me with your hands.
    Correct what was seen.
    Hold me back from this exhausting path thats left unclean.
    The sandy texture of the wind foretells a rash event.
    Train me so I can be ready.
    Be my shield and be my lives.
    Calm the wild horses in my heart.
    Hold my head high, so that I may smile.
    That speck of light.
    The one standing out in the night sky.

    [...I can hear them calling...]

    A burst of the wind tugs the orb back and forth,
    like a confused heart ready to break open.
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