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Monday, April 12, 2010

Can anyone hear me?

-July 29,2008

Two days ago, at Friday was probably the most dramatic time of my life yet. The most painful time I went through. All that time I was on the phone with Tutrinh. I thought about it. I thought about doing it. But, I stopped myself. I thought about the things I dreamed of doing in my future. I thought about my sister's future. How this little girl will react knowing her sister is gone. I can hear Tutrinh screaming and yelling at me to not do it.

I was tired of waiting. I was tired of crying, tired of everything. Thinking about my sister always stops me. Her beauty blinds me. My heart melts every time I give her a hug. Shes the only person I wholeheartedly love. All my life I wanted a sister to look up to; to talk to. Unfortunately, I was born first. Knowing I would be the great impact in her lost life, I had to stay. Now I have to be that sister who I always dreamed of having. I have no sister to look up to. But, now there will always be a younger person than me; looking up towards me. If I go, she will grow up knowing something is missing. She'll become like me, feeling lonely throughout her life. That's why,I just can't strike it through.

Hey...can anyone hear me?

Throwing the phone at the wall, I began punching the hard floor. I hated everything, everyone, every word, every faith, every hope, every heart, every eyes that ever saw me and everything that ever existed. When the darkness of the wall stared me down and cramped me in. I screamed the tears out. Cuddling my knees, I felt the touch of the wall. Delusional, I saw the ceiling crawling down towards me. My body shivered and my vision blurry. I've lost control.

My worst fear is loneliness. Remembering the phone, I pushed the illusions of the walls away from me. As I held the phone in my hand, I clutched it tight. I could hear her. She was asking for me. Yelling my name out. She was calling for me. Me. Me...me. Knowing another person was at the end of the line.

I knew someone could hear me.

1 comment:

  1. . . .Shula, there will always be at least one person on this Earth that will be there for you. Though I can't do much seeing as how I'm like half the continent away but words...they can fly to your side in mere seconds. Remember that.

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