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Saturday, April 17, 2010

Tooth Brush

It was around 6:15pm at April 16,2010 when my sister's back tooth started to bleed.
Her eyes started to water as I told her,
"It's part of growing up when your teeth falls out."
"All my teeth?" she said in a high pitched cry.
"Don't worry, don't worry just brush your teeth every night. Plus, its only going to hurt a little bit when you pull them out. Don't worry okay? They will grow up and become big girl's teeth!"
"It's ganna hurt???" she asked while whipping her tears away.
I approached to embrace her realizing this was not the time to joke around. Her eyes sobbed with worry. I smiled at her to give her a reassurance of safety.
"I love you." I whispered as I kissed her soft pink cheeks.
"I love you too."

I was holding my sister in my hands. I had a clear view of her agony. Every tear, every scream, and every pain from hers was seen right in front of my eyes. It was only then that I felt such great helplessness. I wanted to stop her from crying, I wanted to heal the pain she felt. My mind was so boggled up that I couldn't keep a steady head. The devasting breaths she took brought me to ruins.
"Where does it hurt?" I asked trying to hide the pain in my voice.
Her body felt so hot. I held her as close as possible trying to understand her body. She wanted something. But what? What did she want? Where was the heart of her pain? What does she want me to do? The best thing I knew was to wipe her body with a damp cloth to seep and cool down her hot body and forehead. I knew that kissing her forehead was the worse idea ever. Since, it was risking my health. I didn't give a care. I wanted her to know that I was there, and that I love her so much.
My mom was running around the kitchen preparing noodles, and read the labels of the medicines. I watched my mom's techniques and knowledge. While watching her, flash backs of when I had fevers came in mind. I remembered how my mom nursed me. She knew everything. Where it hurt. How to make it feel better, and what to do. How did she know? How did she read my pain so easily like a title of a book? As I kept an eye from my beloved sister and my mother. My questions became easily answered.
Its the love of a mother. If so, why do I feel such great anger towards her? How did I come to believe she never cared for anyone else except her self? I always viewed her as a women who is trapped within her past, and the sins her own parents committed towards her. Shes so focused on all the abusive actions. Though shes gifted with gentle and hard working hands, her speech cuts like a blade. The wounds bleed eternally even though it only took seconds to slash the fragile heart. Am I starting to bottle those harsh memories just like Mom?
Waking up from my trance, I fixed my attention back to my sister. 2 hours gone by and the hands of the clock struck 3. I didn't care if I couldn't get any sleep. All I wanted was to stay and hold her close in my arms. I wanted to keep her safe as possible.
After a while, my sister stopped crying and felt more at ease. My mom commanded me to carry her into her room. When we got near the bathroom she said in a crackled voice,
"I want to brush my teeth."
"But your sick right now."
"But you said!"
"Your going to have to stand up if you want to brush your teeth."
She shakes her head in objection with a frown.
"Its okay, you can brush your teeth when you get better okay?" I said, trying to erase her frown.
As I tucked her into sleep, I felt this wanting sensation to stay by, and just watch her sleep. By the time I heard my mom's footsteps I knew what I wanted will not be accepted. Slowly dragging myself to my room, I took my last glance back to my sister's figure.
"Love you..."

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