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Monday, November 8, 2010

It's Just A Thought

This post does not entirely resemble the way I feel today. These sentences were created by me, inspired by someone else feelings. A person who I've never met, but a person that I know- somehow. Maye just a person I made up in my mind. I don't know who I'm writing about. But there's something I'm sure of, I want to meet that person.

Every time I come home and close the door, I feel severe pain in my mind. As if my skull was squeezing it's way in through an obstructed path. It's been 3 years since those days have recalled it self in my mind.

Having no one to trust, I walked the days alone. I always had an apprehensive premonition. Choice was no longer mine, since the roads were scattered in arrays I could never seem to organize. The view of everything seemed to stay at a distant highway that I wasn't able to ever cross.

I have a family. Not entirely complete, but I have a family to come home to. School was just another place to go to. A place where everyone is required to go to. Other than the time where I was in the class room filled with people my age. I never felt, or had the inclination to talk to anyone. Come to think of it, out of all the people that surrounded my daily life, there wasn't anyone I wanted to see or talk to.

I lived that way, always with that feeling, attitude, and outlook. In those days, there was nothing that I wanted to do but lay my head on a pillow, hoping maybe I can sleep that night. Daydreaming was the only thing that kept me sane. It was the only thing that I could control. But in my dreams, even if it came from within me, I was no competition. 

A dream, a memory perhaps, was a thought that always seemed to keep me walking. Sometimes when I wake up from my trance or dream, I felt as if that thought, was more realistic than the reality I'm living. It was a world that I created using all the things I longed for.

But as time went by, that world that kept me alive seemed to diminish from my mind. It was as if it was being forced to be erased without me wanting it to be.

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